This Just In, Kids.... Matches Are Not For Grown Ups

Deck the tree with gasoline
Fa-la-la-la la-la la-la la-la
Light a match and throw it in
Fa-la-la-la la-la la-la la-la
Watch the branches
Burn to ashes
Fa-la-la-la la-la la-la la-la
Aren't you glad
We played with matches
Fa-la-la-la la-la la-la la-la!

Wow wee! I had no idea such Christmas bliss could be so completely terrifying...

Did anybody else know there are literally about a million webpages and PSAs giving "safety guidelines" on having a live Christmas tree in your home without burning the whole thing down??

Apparently this is a bigger issue than anyone ever realized.

Ah yes - something new learned every day.

So tonight after work, all I could think about as I drove home in the 22 degree weather was a hot bowl of soup, a glass of red wine, and a fire in my fireplace. I knew I had the means to achieve at least two of these Friday night desires (Don't judge me for just wanting to chill by the fire on my one Friday night of the week - I was out with friends last night. I have a life. I promise!!!) and I was EXCITED!

An hour later (yes, it really does take me an hour to get home from work) I find myself in my living room with an arm full of branches from the backyard that I had collected before Christmas and set aside to dry out enough to burn.

Yes. I am cheap. Get over it. (Only with things like this)

I set everything up in the fire place, and that's when it hits me. A wonderful, beautiful, brilliant, idea. I can use branches from the Christmas tree sitting right next to my face as kindling! I have to throw it out tomorrow anyways. (Amazing I'm half-way done with my Masters Degree, no?)

Don't worry - I didn't burn down the house. Spoiler alert; but let's be real - had I done that there is a 0% chance I'd be sitting on the ashes of my charred possessions typing a blog post about it.

(I'm still trying to wrap my mind about the whole blogging thing to begin with. How much of a loser do I have to be to actually write a blog for no good reason??)

But I did light a beautiful fire in my fireplace. That lasted the length of time it took me to take this picture...



Before turning into a complete flaming inferno...

Let's keep in mind where my Christmas tree is in relation to my fireplace...



No comment.

At about the time my fireplace was engulfed in huge flames, my tendency to fear the worst kicked in, and I ran to the kitchen and grabbed the first thing I could think of (In this case, a huge pot) and filled it with water.

About 35 seconds later I'm hauling a pot into the living room, swishing water all over myself, in time to see the fireplace attempting even more to embody the very gates of hell, and a flame or two may have even lapped outside the glass doors.

It took me less than a second's thought to decide my next move - and I threw the entire contents of the pot (with gusto) onto the fire, which quickly fizzled out.

Yay for water! What a wonderful creation.

http://www.rosieonthehouse.com/faq_detail.aspx?id=469 --> if you ever wonder "Hmm, should I use my Christmas tree as kindling!?!?"

So there you have it boys and girls. Don't play with matches.


*** An hour later - The fire just came back to life. I was sitting here minding my own business when I hear a noise, and lo and behold - the fire is alive and hearty in the fireplace. ***